There are many things holding me back, largely ranging around the occult.

Why worry about the occult? The reason is, that if telepathic thoughts are being transmitted from the future or a universe nearby, then it’s unrealistic to imagine they would all be benign. It’s just as likely that instead of someone from the future working for your benefit, they are in fact trying to either a) harm you or b) simply have a laugh at your expense.

Unfortunately, one of the greatest brakes on my performing experiments is a fear of what I might find. If I do uncover something, it’s highly likely to be a something irreversible. In the same way that it’s almost impossible to erase the image of a traumatic event, once learnt, (CT) will not easily be forgotten.

If what I discover damns my soul forever, then it’s really not something to pursue. But are stories of damnation simply the religious elite, maybe call them “those in the know”, using that fear as a way of stopping us from investigating?

Still I find myself unwilling to commit. A fear of evil. A fear of madness. Most of all a fear of unlocking something in my own mind that’s irrevocable.

Although CT is surely the biggest prize of all, I’m not sure I’m willing to risk my sanity/soul in the pursuit of it.

Because there IS something there and it is just as likely to be evil as to be good. Of course, I can just as easily convince myself to keep going. After all, what if it turns out the solution is really easy? That (CT) was right there all along and we simply weren’t looking in the right way. Think of all the lives that might have been saved. All the good that might have been done. And that’s why I have to keep searching. I need to grow a pair.

As an aside, strange things have started happening around the house. Low voices in the night. Banging and shadows. It’s all a concern.

None of this fear and speculation is getting me closer. I need a practical way to pick up the messages which are already in existence. Let’s get back to that.